The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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