If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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