areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
