She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
