Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
