I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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