Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He has the fingertips of a God
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