Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
