I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
