Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
