All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
