I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
