You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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