considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize