why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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