i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
