so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
