I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
