First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
