Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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