In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
