At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
