I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
