I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
