my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
