Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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