Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
