Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
