he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Randomize
