her vagina looked like bernie madoff
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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