just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
