Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
