am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
