I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
