ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
