Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
