he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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