I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize