Pants 0. Shit 1.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
