So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
