I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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