If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
