oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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