This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
