How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
