She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
