even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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