I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
