Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she told me i tasted like america
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
