I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize