Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
