her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize