I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Randomize
