In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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