Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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