I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
