recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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