dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
