I think i peed on brittanys purse
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
