Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
P.S. I can't hear my feet
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
