and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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