Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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