You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
