nut hugger
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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