I look better un-naked...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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