I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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