If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just had sex bonerless
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
