It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
