another moral hangover. fuck.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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