Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
