the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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