clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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