Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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