dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
