This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
