I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize