I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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