I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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