Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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