She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
