I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
