Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So vagazzling was a success
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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