Already got asked if we're dating
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
