By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
