What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
