i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
