I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
