do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
