We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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