So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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