I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize