I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
