She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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