you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
