yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
