he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my shit smells like andre
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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