If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize