he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
