can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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