Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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