apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
